[Dailydrool] Thank you for remembering my Blueberry

[Hinchliffe at aol.com]

Our Daily Drool family is so wonderful -- you really are a family in  the 
truest, deepest sense of the word: understanding, embracing, and supporting  
another family member in need in the sweetest, most loving way.  
 
I can't tell you how much the incredible e-mails and e-cards I've received  
over the last two days have touched me and sustained me.  I honestly don't  
know how I could be hanging on in this devastating loss without you.  My  friends 
are kind, but they don't KNOW, the way you do, what it means to suddenly  be 
without my Blueberry.
 
My heart and my days have suddenly become empty -- yet my mailbox has been  
full, and each e-mail brings a little more comfort to help start to  fill that 
depths of that cold, dark emptiness.
 
I'll write more later, because I want to give my Blueberry a tribute that  
she deserves, so that all of you can feel like you really knew this special  
little girl, my Bearsie, my Berry Girl, my Bluesel-Loosel, my Velcro dog, my  
heart, my life.
 
I literally knew her since the minute she was born -- a friend owned  her 
Mom, so I was there when she came into this world.  She was never able  to nurse, 
so every day until she could eat solid food I went over and fed her  through 
an eyedropper (and later syringe) four times a day.  (It was a sad,  sad echo 
of that when, in this last cruel illness, I had to feed her once again  
through a syringe.)
 
Now my baby is gone, my center, my heart ... I live alone and work at home,  
so she was always with me, every minute -- I set up my computer at a couch so  
that she could lie there with me, her head always on my lap.  No matter  
where we were, she always had to be touching me.  She went everywhere with  me -- 
meetings, where she was so well-known she'd have her own name tag  waiting; -- 
errands, where she sat on my lap in the car with her head out  the window, 
grinning and ears flying like silky wings; -- dinners at  friends', where she 
had her own bench pulled up to the table, and would eat her  dinner off china 
plates.  Before she went into the hospital, she had never  been alone for more 
than an hour or two at a time, and that rarely.
 
I can't stop crying, I didn't know it was physically possible to have so  
many tears.  Sleep comes hard, and when it does, I dream of her, and wake  up 
stroking the pillow the way I always stroked her back while we slept.  I  don't 
know how to get through this.
 
Thanks to all of you, every one, for taking the time to write -- you really  
will never, ever know how much your words mean.  Blueberry and I are  
surrounded and blessed by your love.  For those who pray, please keep  praying for 
her, that she's not scared and alone.
 
I cherish all of you.  I wish you had all known Blueberry in real  life, you 
would have adored my sweet, devoted little Muffin too.
 
Thank you all,
Beth





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(http://food.aol.com/tyler-florence?video=4&?NCID=aolfod00030000000002)
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