[Dailydrool] To Roland, Duke of Ears

[Psy1801]

Hi, Woland. Sirius here.  Mommy say she too busy cweaning up after me to wite me resume, whatebber dat is.  She say just tell Woland what you do.

Well, I don't know what I did when I was small buppy, but Mommy and Daddy got me when I was 8 months old.  Dey saw I was champeen chewer, but dey tought it was just cause I a buppy.  Dey no nuttin.  Dey tink big buppies still getting teef.
I still big champeen.  So, ober time--I chewed up somebody's gwamma's pocketbook and shoes cuz dey leave dem under table when dey eats.

I get bigger and I chew more stuff.  I chew up tree sell phones, de expensive wunz dat cost monies.  I chew up wots ob shoes and bags and stuff wike dat.  I eat appoinmen books, dat tell mommy and daddy when peeple coming.  I speshally lub cwayons, markers, and pens.  One time I got bwoo ink all ober my paws and made pawpwints on da couch.  When I got older, I chewed hole in dat couch too.  

My odder favowite ting is counter cwusing.  I just got big enuff to weach stuff on da back, and i learned to cwimb all da way on da counter.  You saw my picshure.  So now nuttin is safe.  If dey not watchin me, I go wooking for stuff to eat.  I found out where dey keep da tweats, and i started getting in--dey put da wubberbands on it now.  iworkin on dat.

Sometimes I be weal good boy.  I lub to pway wit doggies and peeoples.  I lub to be petted and wubbed and told i so cute.  But if nobody watch me, i find stuff to chew up or eat or cwime on.  Wite now I eating mommy's good chair by da puter.  i down to da wood.  she keep putting her hand on my mouf but when she stop, i bite da chair more.

Mommy just tink i da cutest ting since swiced bwead.  My dweam is to meet brudder elwood and nigel and llewis and norm and all da rest of you.  i want a brudder or sister but daddy tink it too much work because ob me.  

so anyway...I be chewer and cwimber.  what else you need to know?

lub, sirius
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