[Dailydrool] Harry sends a message

[Laura Moravinski]

I want to feel happy.  I truely do.  But hearing from my boy and not being able to be with him is still so very hard.  Today he sent me a message and my heart is heavy with grief.  I know it’s not what he wants, but I don’t know how to steer through this.  
Earlier today, we were decorating our tree and had Christmas music on.  We are all chatting and laughing and hanging our ornaments.  I reach into the bin and my hand lands on a small white box.  Without even looking at it I know what it is.  Many years ago when Harry was a pup, we fostered a Boston Terrier named Booda.  Booda was, well, a terrier.  Wild and crazy and not-the-brightest-bulb-in-the-box compared to my Harry, but lovable nonetheless.  We had him at Christmastime so I had to buy an ornament for him to hang on our tree.  I found a great ornament of a Boston Terrier with devil horns.  On the same stand, there was a Basset Hound, complete with angel wings and a halo.  Of course I bought both, so fitting.  So when my hand lands on the box, I know immediately it’s the Basset ornament.  Slowly, I pull it out and my eyes flood with tears.  I could have never known all those years ago when I bought the ornament how symbolic it would be someday.  My Basset angel.  So just as I’m getting ready to have a major breakdown, what song comes on the radio?  My favorite song, handpicked by Harry I’m sure, “I’ll Be Home For Christmas.”  I don’t think I can describe the mix of emotions that poured over me.  All I could do was smile and sob.  I’ve always loved the words, and they became even more meaningful to me the first Christmas my daughter was alive but was in the hospital and fighting for her life.  I sang that song, curled in front of the tree with Harry, while I dreamt of being able to bring my baby home.   Now all those years later, all I can think of is Harry being home for Christmas, if only in my dreams.  
I miss him, so much.  

Laura and Harry ATB
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