[Dailydrool] Doggy Dictionary

[Bonnie Bostelman]

Doggy Dictionary
LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your 
person where you want him/her to go.

DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest 
room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: A liquid which, when combined with sad eyes, forces humans to give 
you their food. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and get 
the drool on the human.

SNIFF: A social custom used to greet other dogs, similar to the human 
exchange of business cards.

GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test 
your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off 
with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers 
to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body 
fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash 
out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards. The person then swerves 
and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them 
in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the 
person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain 
amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the 
danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and 
following at their heels.

WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy 
wrappers. It is important to evenly distribute its contents throughout the 
house before your person comes home.

BATH : If you find something especially good to roll in, humans get jealous, 
and they use this degrading form of torture to get even. Be sure to shake 
only when next to a person or a piece of furniture.

LEAN: Every good dog's response to the command "sit!," especially if your 
person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie 
events.

BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a 
fresh cup of coffee or tea.

GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the regular bump doesn't 
get the attention you require ... especially effective when combined with 
the sniff. See above.

CHILDREN: Short humans of optimal petting height. Standing close to one 
assures some good petting. When running, they are good to chase. If they 
fall down, they are comfortable to sit on.

LOVE: A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. 
The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a 
human will love you in return.



enjoy!

Bonnie