[Dailydrool] Sigh

[Laura Moravinski]

I knew when the holidays rolled around the pain of losing Harry would sharpen.  I just didn’t really know how much.  I held it together during Thanksgiving....although there was a huge void when I had one less bowl to fill full of turkey and gravy.  But I managed to make it through with minimal tears.  I thought that maybe I was moving past the intensity of the loss.....finally.  But over the weekend, we started to take out our Christmas decorations, and the very first tote I opened had Harry’s stocking right on top.  Maybe it was a sign from him, maybe it was just bad luck....but whatever it was it took my breath away.  In my rush last year to pack away the decorations, I didn’t wash the stockings.  And so when I opened the tote, I saw his stocking as he left it last year.  Covered in dog hair and with slobber stains around the top.  It just brought back the pain, full force, of our loss and how empty this house feels without him.  

I can’t bear to not hang his stocking.  I’m hoping it will bring me the peace of warm memories.  But I know when it hangs empty on Christmas morning, it will break my heart.  

All I can wish for is that somehow, someway, I can move through this holiday with the joy that I know Harry would want me to feel.  I just needed to cry to people whom I know understand.  Now, perhaps, the pain will subside to a dull ache, and I can spend this time remembering the happiness and love I was so blessed to have shared with my special, special boy.  

Drool from the bridge to all in need.

Laura and Harry ATB
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