[Dailydrool] Snoopy checking in

[Dale Rutz]

Hi all, it's Snoopy,

Women!!!  That's all I've got to say is women!!  Oh I could go on all day.  It 
rained for a week solid, I was stiff and sore and stuck inside and little baby 
Gracie got on my last nerve and I put her in her place and everyone said it was 
mean.  It was not mean it was NECESSARY!!!  Did I injure little Gracie?  NO.  
All I did was tell her she wasn't in charge and you've never heard such crying 
and carrying on.  Sheesh.  And then there's LuLu.  She can put Gracie in her 
place and nobody says a word to LuLu, oh no, LuLu is beyond reproach.  Why just 
yesterday morning (when it was still raining) I was laying on the couch in the 
office in between LuLu and Gracie and LuLu said move over and I told her to 
shove it and she turned around to ask if I was serious and we compared 
dentistry.  We both pulled our lipflaps up to our eyeballs and offered to rip 
into the other one ..... and the clueless momPerson turned around and told us to 
knock it off or else our faces might freeze like that.  Can they?  If we do that 
long enough will our faces freeze that way?  Cause the clueless momPerson said 
they might and we didn't want to take a chance so we knocked it off instead.  
Little Gracie was on the end and she was shaking and all upset.  Geez, get over 
it little girl.

It's sunny today (finally) and we are all curled up in back in the sun.  Poor 
Gracie is very confused.  She won't go outside to go potty in the rain so the 
clueless momPerson has been putting her on a leash and taking her out front on a 
schedule to save the rugs.  It worked, no accidents, but Gracie is very 
confused.  Yesterday afternoon it stopped raining.  The clueless momPerson 
uncovered the patio furniture and put the rugs down and told us we could use the 
backyard again.  And took Gracie off of her schedule.  And about 4PM poor little 
Gracie went RUNNING to the front door and just stood there whining and jumping 
from one foot to the other saying "I need to go, I need to go, I need to go."  
And the mean ole clueless momPerson wouldn't take her out front, she IGNORED her 
.... finally poor little Gracie couldn't hold it anymore and she ran for the 
back doggie door and charged through and barely made it to the grass before she 
let loose.  Mean ole momPerson.  Clueless too.

And then there's the whole breakfast pastry controversy.  I have quite a taste 
for breakfast pastry.  And so, I've developed a technique for curating missing 
breakfast pastry.  Here are my simple steps:

1)  Watch and wait for the teenager to get herself some pastry for breakfast
    a)  It is a guaranteed fact that she will leave the box too close to the 
edge of the counter
2)  Wait for the teenager to close the front door (leaving for school with 
momPerson)

Now .... the rest of these steps have to executed in RAPID succession, because 
as soon as step 3 is executed dadPerson will come CHARGING down the hall trying 
to save HIS breakfast pastry.  So, you have to be all ready, and do the rest 
almost all at once

3)  grab the edge of the box of breakfast pastry and drag it off of the counter 
and onto the floor
    a)  be aware that dadPerson will be IN MOTION as soon as he hears it hit the 
floor
4)  use both front paws and a hopping motion to STOMP the box in order to 
instantly open it
5)  grab the pastry, pull the whole thing into your mouth with nothing sticking 
out, and chew until dadPerson is there and trying to open your mouth
6)  swallow
7)  Burp at the dadPerson

More later from Snoopy, OEBE, Curator of missing objects (especially breakfast 
pastry) with LuLu (he's obnoxious) and Gracie (he's bossy and he burps real loud 
too)
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