[Dailydrool] Clueless

[dpmcquade at verizon.net]

Dear Clueless Mom:
Sitting here on my bed, recovering from a terrible kidney infection or UTI and maybe kidney disease, I got the word that you are asking about slave training.

Let me tell you from harsh experience that slave training is a very difficult accomplishment. It can take many, many years to create a finely tuned human who responds immediately to every need--and even then, the human's timing may slip occasionally (or even, as in my case, quite often).

Alas, I had to start from scratch. The humans, Drew and Pam, had had dogs when the two of them were just puppies themselves, but neither of their homes had been graced by a basset. Still, when I first saw the male human, my heart went out to him. So I took on the terrible training task. It was not long before I had the humans partly trained. When we went on long walks, I would do a flat basset, and Drew (AKA daddy) would pick me up, put me on his shoulder, and carry me home. I could never train Pam, the mama, to do this. She complained that I was too heavy, but I think she was just lazy. She has been the more resistant one, who has challenged my excellent training methods to the max. Still, she thought I was awful cute with my puppy head hanging over daddy's shoulder and bouncing along as he walked. However, never being one to have a camera on hand, she failed in her slave's duties by not taking a picture of it.

It has been a daily struggle to get the humans in proper training. Even the best methods often fail as their clueless minds slip away from their major goal: providing perfect care for every basset on earth--even some that are not theirs. Thankfully, my humans have taken in many fosters who have stayed forever. First among these was Belvedere, who joined me in starting the Dashing Basset pack. Why it took the humans so long to realize I needed a cohort in crime, I can't tell you. But the mama fell hook, line, and sinker for Bel, so he never left us. We were best friends for all of his life.

Since then, we have added a number of bassets to the pack, and each hound has added a piece to the training. Alexis Thefairyprincess taught mama all about delicate basset ears. Abner used his bad back to teach the mama many extended lessons in basset service. Since both Abs and Bel had allergies, the mom began making homemade treats, which she has been known to share with others in rescue and elsewhere. I approve of this method of making her more aware of the rest of the hound community. But she still has not provided enough treats for the hounds on her home turf, so training is continuing.

Slave training is a lifelong task for a hound. It sounds as if Snoopy has started well on your training, but do not expect it to end anytime soon. Humans are a flighty breed, and excuse me if I say it is very hard to get you to focus long enough to get a good response. After fourteen years of training, my humans still have a long way to go in providing perfect service, though I have seen many worse situations. Since I am ill right now, the she human has continued to work on her skills by cooking me tasty food, which I sometimes refuse, just to see how perfect her training is.

 
Do not fight against it. Slavedom to a hound is your destiny. As one whom Feyfey herself declared a princess, I know whereof I speak. Though I rarely use the coveted PW title, it is still mine. I demand the service it implies, and I believe that every basset is a prince or princess in its own home. Your home is graced by a basset, so it is up to you to learn the skills that will make Snoopy happy. Rejoice in the fact that he has chosen to live with you and provide the extensive training that is required.
 
I know you have great potential as a slave. Fulfill your destiny!
PW Lady Jane, head of the Dashing Bassets
Belvedere, Alexis Thefairyprincess, Abner Ahrooo, Holly Dolly, and C. Dexter Haven