[Dailydrool] more that than this

[jacquelynn chazey]

OMG, I admit that I drink diet soda, which is probably the worst drink on the planet.  I am going to try to stop it after tonight, just finishing up what I have.   The hounds are stable.  
I feel as if we must need to have a have a giant drool fest for Charley Bucket as the drool community and make his miracle happen.  I was looking for a miracle for Pierre Sr. when he was in dire straights, but there was so much Mom confusion going on at the time, I did not give him the greatness and 1000%, and that will be a forever mark against my soul.  The other day, when I picked up pain meds for Little Nikki, I was invited into the surgery room where Dr. S. showed me all the dinosaur x-rays of Nikki's skeleton, and he asked me if I had ever been back to that part of the practice, and I told him yes.  After told him when, I think he was sad with me.   I told him it was only once, and it was a Wed. afternoon, late, almost dinner time, and I was allowed to try to feed Pierre Sr. a couple of times a day.  He couldn't eat, and he gave me "the look" that day, and he broke my heart into a million if not more pieces in that moment.  Dr. S, my usual lead vet was not available then, but  one I totally respect as well, who ended up beings Pierre's lead Vet told me on Fri., all the test results failed, he was dying no matter what, so I stayed with him for his last moments of life.  I haven't cried for Sr. in a while, but I am now, and I am transferring all my healing energy to Max and Jean Paul and Nikki right now, and of course Charley Bucket.   I hope and pray I still have some power to heal, by love, passion, and spirit.  I know by now, had we not done the chemo for Max he would be gone.  He is still having appetite issues, and Monday, I have to administer some oral chemo meds.  One day at a time.  JP is long past his last call, and Little Nikki is still young, and she gets to be a hippy, a stoned little pony, and I am not an advocate of that, but I do appreciate the last call for pain meds.  That was Mom's greatest wish in her will, and that is what I wish for anyone for whom I have a choice to make it for, pain free.  Live long.
Thanks droolers, I know I am ranting, crying, visiting the room of Pierre Sr. kind of set me off.
Jax 		 	   		  
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