[Dailydrool] Choppy 2/14/2012 - 1/03/2015

[jacquelynbaker at comcast.net]

It is with deep sorrow that I send this note...Choppy did so well since his diagnosis with liver cancer and Cushings disease in early May of 2014. The week of Christmas, for a couple of days his appetite began to wane, but he bounced back, but I knew we were at the end. He had two sores, a result of the excessive cortisol production in his system, correlated to the Cushings. The Monday after Christmas he began to scratch these sores, located on his right shoulder. I tried everything to relieve the itching and irritation, but to no avail. He would awaken in the wee hours of the morning scratching, and the result: he would be covered in blood, as would his linens, the carpet and anything he came in contact with. This happened three times. Despite still wanting to take walks, cuddle and ask for belly rubs, I could no longer justify the suffering I felt these sores were causing, so I let him go this afternoon. My heart is shattered, as I loved him so much, and he was a special member of my family. I am still numb, as so much of my energy has been tied up in his care...it is hard to believe he is really gone. Especially since I NEVER expected that he would last so many months past diagnosis...many days were a roller coaster. Between the Chinese herbs, supplements and a homemade diet, he did amazingly well for such a long time...even my vet marveled at how well he did. 
Choppy woke up in the wee hours (Saturday 1/3) and was scratching again, but he didn't bleed as much, but I hated to see him struggling. He finally got onto his chair and slept so soundly, and even slept in late. When he got up he wanted to eat, and he begged for belly rubs...he just didn't seem ready, but when he threw up, I was afraid he might go downhill and decided to not wait until Monday. I didn't want him to suffer. I let him go a little after 5PM today, 1/3...exactly six weeks shy of his 13th birthday. He was excited to go for a car ride, and insisted on greeting everyone at the vet hospital, and once in the treatment room, inhaled a bunch of treats. He was so excited and full of life, and a big part of me wanted to tell the staff I had made a mistake, we'd be back another time, but today was not the day. Our vet was not in today, and an older doc came in that I had never met. Once he saw my face he realized why we were there and he told me he did not want to do this today. He didn't! He left the room and came back in and gave Choppy a shot to relax him and he fell asleep in my lap, and was zonked out by the time he received the lethal injection. He is now free from pain. Sadly, I am not. Run free, sweet Choppy. 

I wrote this note yesterday after I returned home from the vet. I was numb and the shock buffered me...well, the shock is wearing off. Choppy came to me as a foster, and had issues that deemed him ineligible for traditional adoption. He was a fear nipper, but underneath, he was a true sweetheart...even my vet marveled over how much he was transformed. I keep expecting him, and even think I hear him...today was the first time in 4.5 years that he didn't awaken me in the wee hours to go out. Though, I could barely sleep...when I was finally able to doze off, I would awaken startled and the reality that he is no longer here would wash over me, and I'd start to sob. I'm so heartbroken. 
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