[Dailydrool] Are there enough words?

[Jessica Rutan via Dailydrool]

I have sat here several times at my computer to write and express  
myself about my beloved Harley, only to crumble into a long crying  
session. I have not been able to tug the words out of myself to write  
because they have been drowned out by the terrible sea of grief I feel  
at what happened. I know that with Thanksgiving around the corner I  
need to say thank you and express my deep gratitude for a dog that  
saved my life and helped me more than I can ever express here in this  
email.

Harley came to our family three days after the death of my heart-dog,  
Halsey. I was worried at first, that I would not be able to allow  
Harley into my heart, but my children so wanted this puppy. I later  
realized that Halsey had to have had a paw in this matter, because HE  
knew that I was suffering deeply at his death. So with the help of an  
ANGEL on this list, Dan brought Harley into this family. I can never  
say thank you enough to Dan or to the woman (Kay) who entrusted Harley  
to us for the whirlwind of love and incredible joy that will always be  
apart of my life and my childrens' lives.

I know that I can not talk about having to put Harley down much. I am  
sitting here crying yet again, but I do know that I have to show deep  
appreciation for seven wonderful years. I have been a mom to six  
Bassets, in which I can clearly and distinctively explain the  
attributes of each. I can clearly tell each of you how Queen Aubrey,  
Kooter-2-D-2, Admiral Halsey, Maggie May, and Harley made my life and  
those in my family richer and deeper because of who and what they  
were. I am forever grateful for the love of my dogs when no one else  
cared about me. When my first family died, and I had to bury my  
children and divorce my husband, my dogs loved me through it all. When  
I was attacked and my neck broken, my dogs loved me through it. When I  
could no longer work and had to leave teaching, my dogs loved me  
through it. When my daughter was murdered, my dogs loved me through  
it. When people were hurtful and mean (some on this list), my dogs  
loved me through it. Thank GOD for our dogs.

Each of us on this list know this pain. We lost something that can  
never really be replaced, but would you really want it replaced? NO. I  
can only hope that I will find another dog who can come into my world  
and teach me yet another facet of love. What I realize is that I can  
love despite the most horrible inflictions I have had to endure from  
this world. I can survive and I can press forward because I can. My  
dog taught me about that. My dog taught me about how important it is  
to have a safe and warm place to come back to at night. I have worked  
very hard to make that place for my own children now. I know because  
my dogs gave that to me. I know how to be a better mom (to the two  
legged), a better wife, and better friend. What lessons have you  
learned from you dog?  I am grateful for Harley and all he taught me.  
I now despite my grief that runs through my body and soul, am  
GRATEFUL. (I am grateful to people as well. I am just not talking  
about them at this time. Another time and another story.)

I will work as best as I can to be the better person. I want to pay  
tribute to Harley and to each of my dogs for all the lessons I have  
been taught. Thank you to each of you and when I walk over that hill  
towards the Rainbow bridge, I will be greeted by the most amazing dogs  
that ever lived. I am more than blessed to have had Harley in my life.  
I miss you and these tears will not easily go away.

Rather than telling me how sorry you are for this loss, would you  
please send to the DD the answer to my question? What lessons have you  
learned from you dog? (Make that the subject line! How amazing that  
will feel to open the DD and scroll down to read those posts) I want  
to read from everyone on this list what you are grateful for in what  
you learned from you dog(s).

The screen is too blurry to see any more. I could write so much more  
about many topics and my dogs, but for now I need to quietly and  
softly whisper: I love you Wiggle more than all the tears I am crying  
and have cried. I miss you more than I could have ever thought from  
that day the children and me met you. Run and eat as many carrots as  
you can until we meet on this side of the Rainbow bridge and cross it  
together.

MY LOVE,

Jessica Rutan
jrutan at aubreydog.com



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