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<p class=MsoNormal><font size=5 face=Arial><span style='font-size:18.0pt;
font-family:Arial'>The following was found posted <u>very</u> <u>low</u> on a
refrigerator door. </span></font><font size=2 face=Arial><span
style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial'><br>
</span></font><font face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial'> </span></font><font
size=5 face=Arial><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:Arial'><br>
Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain
your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw
print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
</span></font><font face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial'><br>
</span></font><font size=5 face=Arial><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:
Arial'><br>
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
because I fall faster than you can run. </span></font><font face=Arial><span
style='font-family:Arial'><br>
</span></font><font size=5 face=Arial><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:
Arial'><br>
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out
to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight
out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is
nothing but sarcasm. </span></font><font face=Arial><span style='font-family:
Arial'><br>
</span></font><font size=5 face=Arial><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:
Arial'><br>
For the last time, <b><i><span style='font-weight:bold;font-style:italic'>there
is no secret exit from the bathroom! </span></i></b>If, by some miracle,
I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw,
whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt
to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance
is not required. </span></font><font face=Arial><span style='font-family:
Arial'><br>
</span></font><font size=5 face=Arial><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:
Arial'><br>
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other
dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. </span></font><font
face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial'><br>
</span></font><font size=5 face=Arial><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:
Arial'><br>
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the
front door: </span></font><font face=Arial><span style='font-family:
Arial'><br>
</span></font><font size=5 face=Arial><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:
Arial'><br>
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS: </span></font><font
face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial'><br>
</span></font><font size=5 face=Arial><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:
Arial'><br>
(1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want
their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call
it 'fur'-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted
sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
</span></font><font face=Arial><span style='font-family:Arial'><br>
</span></font><font size=5 face=Arial><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:
Arial'><br>
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less, (2)
don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come
when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using
people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9)
don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for
college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.</span></font><font
size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoAutoSig><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:
12.0pt'>Helena Poist<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoAutoSig><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:
12.0pt'>Proplanner<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoAutoSig><st1:Street w:st="on"><st1:address w:st="on"><font size=3
face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>2321 North Loop Drive</span></font></st1:address></st1:Street><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=MsoAutoSig><st1:place w:st="on"><st1:City w:st="on"><font size=3
face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Ames</span></font></st1:City>,
<st1:State w:st="on">IA</st1:State> <st1:PostalCode w:st="on">50010</st1:PostalCode></st1:place><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=MsoAutoSig><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:
12.0pt'>helena@proplanner.com<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoAutoSig><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:
12.0pt'>515-296-7526<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoAutoSig><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:
12.0pt'>fax: 515-296-3229<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoPlainText><font size=2 face="Courier New"><span style='font-size:
10.0pt'>http://www.proplanner.com<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:
12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p>
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