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<p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial'>We used to pry Abigail’s mouth open and place the pill
way back and hold her snooter shut until she swallowed (this after she
consistently ate around the pills and spit the pills out). All this until the
day I asked our (at the time) 15-year old nephew to give Abigail her pill. He
said, “Here, Abby!” and held the pill out to her and she gobbled it
up out of his hand! Needless to say, pill distribution became Christopher’s
job!</span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial'> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial'>One of the funniest e-mails I EVER received was “How To
Give a Cat a Pill”…</span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial'> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><b><i><u><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span
style='font-size:12.0pt;font-weight:bold;font-style:italic'>How To Give A Cat A
Pill</span></font></u></i></b><br>
<br>
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm<br>
as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either<br>
side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while<br>
holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop the pill into<br>
mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.<br>
<br>
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.<br>
Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.<br>
<br>
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.<br>
<br>
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm,<br>
holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push<br>
pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a<br>
count of ten.<br>
<br>
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of<br>
wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.</p>
<p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:
12.0pt'><br>
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees,<br>
hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get<br>
spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler<br>
into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.<br>
<br>
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from<br>
foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.<br>
Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set<br>
to one side for gluing later.<br>
<br>
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat<br>
with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of<br>
drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking<br>
straw.<br>
<br>
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans,<br>
drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm<br>
and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.<br>
<br>
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill.<br>
Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to<br>
neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon.<br>
Flick pill down throat with rubber band.<br>
<br>
11.Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door<br>
back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot,<br>
drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of<br>
last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.<br>
Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from<br>
bedroom.<br>
<br>
12. Call Fire Department to retrieve the damn cat from<br>
across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence<br>
while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.<br>
<br>
13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with<br>
garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find<br>
heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed<br>
by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head<br>
vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.<br>
<br>
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to<br>
the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and<br>
forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture<br>
shop on way home to order new table.<br>
<br>
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and<br>
call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.<br>
<br>
<br>
</span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:
12.0pt'> </span></font><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:
10.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Ellen & Miss Magnolia & Gracie Lou FlatBasset
& Oliver & Abigail (ATB)</span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial'> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><font size=2 face=Arial><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial'> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:
12.0pt'> </span></font></p>
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