[Dailydrool] Pills

[ellen at carlson4travel.com]

We used to pry Abigail's mouth open and place the pill way back and hold her
snooter shut until she swallowed (this after she consistently ate around the
pills and spit the pills out). All this until the day I asked our (at the
time) 15-year old nephew to give Abigail her pill. He said, "Here, Abby!"
and held the pill out to her and she gobbled it up out of his hand! Needless
to say, pill distribution became Christopher's job!

 

One of the funniest e-mails I EVER received was "How To Give a Cat a Pill".

 

How To Give A Cat A Pill
 
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm
as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either
side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while
holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop the pill into
mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm,
holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push
pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a
count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of
wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.


 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees,
hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get
spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler
into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from
foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.
Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set
to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat
with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of
drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking
straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans,
drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm
and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill.
Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to
neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon.
Flick pill down throat with rubber band.

11.Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door
back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot,
drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of
last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.
Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from
bedroom.

12. Call Fire Department to retrieve the damn cat from
across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence
while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with
garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find
heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed
by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head
vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to
the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and
forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture
shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and
call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.




 Ellen & Miss Magnolia & Gracie Lou FlatBasset & Oliver & Abigail (ATB)

 

 

 

No virus found in this outgoing message
Checked by PC Tools AntiVirus (4.0.0.26 - 10.100.194).
http://www.pctools.com/free-antivirus/


-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://lists.dailydrool.org/pipermail/dailydrool-dailydrool.org/attachments/20091013/e17bc3a2/attachment-0002.htm>