[Dailydrool] Application for Prince (Pw) title

[Val Brewer]

I would like to submit my application for a title of Prince (Pw). If my mom's understanding of the title is correct (see previous post), my qualifications are indisputable.

I have managed to bring under my control every member of my household, as well as bending my veterinarian's office to my preferences.

1. Mom. Mom is the primary dog-slave in our pack, and these are things I have gotten her to do, primarily through the technique of either making life unbearable if she does not obey; or feigning delicate health reasons to induce sufficient anxiety and guilt in her such that she must comply:
 A. Mom now sleeps in a dog crate with me and my brother. (See previous posts). We all sleep on her bed in a small room with a grate pulled across the door, such that the space resembles a jail cell. I accomplished this by screaming bloody murder if crated myself or enclosed in a room without her (I am claustrophobic), or by peeing on the rug in the middle of the night if left to roam at large. Now I am happy and do not pee on the rug.
 B. Mom gets up with me at 3AM when I start grumbling; opens the grate, and together we go out into the back yard while I pee. I accomplish this by continuing grumbling until she has to wake up, then going to the doggie door but refusing to go through it after dark (peeing in front of the dog door if she won't go out). Since my depth perception is not great at night, she carries all 55 pounds of me down the steps so I will not fall. Previously I got my mom-slave and dad-slave to install solar controlled lights just outside the dogdoor and a nightlight inside so that my way is lighted. I return up the stairs just fine
C. Food. Because I have a chronic health condition (ulcerative colitis), I have my mom import veterinarian-prescribed low residue dog kibble from the mainland. I am the only dog on my island eating this brand so it must be special ordered. But I prefer the food to be flavored better, so mom cooks boiled skinless boneless chicken breasts and blends them in a blender to paste consistency and mixes this with my food. I accomplished this by getting sick all the time on any other food. I must take three pills a day, but Mom must hide them in goodies to get me to eat them. I accomplished this by becoming an expert at tonguing and spitting out pills later, behind sofas and so forth undetetected.
D. Kennel stays. Because of my health, I am not supposed to be "unduly stressed". Kennels are stressful, so when my parents went to the mainland recently, I had them hire in-home dogsitters to live in our house and cater to me. I quickly gained control over the dogsitters by baying if left alone--one of the dogsitters took a week's vacation from his regular work so he could stay with me 24/7!
E. Walks. I have decided that I no longer like to go on long walks, so I flat basset after about a block of walking. I have gotten my mom to buy a wagon to haul me along if my pack goes on a long walk. But if the grade of the hill is steep, going down, I moan piteously--so we now only do flat terrains. I will walk, however, if my mom takes me someplace interesting by car first and then we get out--like the beach at the federal park or the tourist strip downtown where tourists stop and admire me and scratch my ears. Dad has been more of a challenge, but I will come to him soon.

2. Dad has been more of a challenge--he puts up with less--but now I've got him too.
I have trained Dad to carry freshly cooked chicken bits in a bag in one of his hands when he walks me, and to give me some about every block. I have done this by playing on his impatience, ego, and competitive spirit with Mom. I walk along briskly with Dad with my nose up in the air pointed at the bag of chicken. Dad is proud that he "can get me to walk", and I get lots of excellent treats. He thinks he's training me--ha--let him try this without that bag of chicken bits.

3. Harley. My brother, Harley, might be a BABE, I'm not sure. He is obedient, loving, not demanding, loves to go on walks--heck, he even plays fetch. I have trained him to intercede on my behalf. When I grumble for any length of time, Harley appears, jumps on Mom's lap and starts licking her ears. signalling "Timmy's in the well; Timmy's in the well!" until Mom attends to me. If Harley and his chihuahua girlfriend are making too much noise playing, I bellow at them and they take the action to a different room or outside so as not to disturb me.

4. Veterinarian's. I have trained my vet to put me in the open pen designed for huge dogs or small farm animals if I have to stay at the vetspital, rather than locking me in a cage. I have accomplished this by baying so loudly and so consistently if confined in a smaller space that no one can get any work done.

All in all, I think I have managed to subjugate just about everyone. I still have to figure out how to get more food than I am currently consuming, but I will update you when I have figured out a torture for my slaves which is strong enough to totally break their wills. So, powers that be, am I worthy of a Pw. title? Bo of Hawaii, master of Val, brother of Harley the goody-two-shoes


      
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