[Dailydrool] Condolences

[Vicki Kerns]

Susan, I wanted to extend my condolences for your loss of your
precious Barry. It is so hard to lose our babies. I still miss my boy Pongo
& cry for him. My heart goes out to you with my prayers for your heart.

I have a question for the droolers. I'm such a big soft touch & shoot, when
I see the commercials about abused animal on TV, I break out in tears. When
my baby Pongo had to go to the bridge last year, I just couldn't be in
there. Luckily, my niece (who is a life saver) was there so she & the vet
staff (who are wonderful at Banfield in Liberty) & they saw to a very
peaceful passing of my beloved boy. I sat outside crying hysterically.
Everything had happened so fast. I didn't expect to take my boy to the vet &
never bring him home again. One minute, he's fine. The next minute, here
comes the vet walking over sitting down next to me. I knew the news wasn't
good. Cancer, the worst word. And it had already spread from his spleen to
his liver; he was within a day or so of dying. I had to make that horrible
decision that I knew was the right thing to do. Years ago, I had had to do
the same to an old cat I'd only had a short time. I tried to stay in there,
but the initial shot didn't work & they were going to have to do more. I
couldn't stand it.

It took me 3 times to say goodbye to my smiling boy. Just looking at him, I
couldn't comprehend that he was dying, that he would never come home with me
again. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. I sat on the floor & held him
& cried like a baby. I remember sitting at my mom's bedside 3 years ago. Her
heart had finally given out & she was in a coma. The family decided to take
her off of life support & we were by her side when she passed away. Yes, it
was very peaceful but it's an experience that will haunt me for the rest of
my days. I knew that if I had been in that room with my Pongo that he
wouldn't have had a peaceful passing. I didn't want his last memories to be
of his mom screaming & crying hysterically, which is what I was doing. I
have been haunted by this since last Sept. I have prayed & prayed about it
and have asked Pongo's forgiveness so many times. I feel like I abandoned
him when he needed me most & at times I feel like such a coward. But even
after all this time, I don't think I could do it. My love for my babies goes
so deep but I couldn't stand to watch him die. I just couldn't. I have such
admiration for the brave souls that can.

Has anyone else ever had to deal with this issue? My little girl Cleo is 10
& I cry sometimes just looking at her knowing that she'll only be with me
(hopefully to God) a few more years.

-- 
Vicki Kerns
**
*"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."*
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