[Dailydrool] Rushing bassets

[Pamela McQuade]

I had to laugh at Bev's description of her attempts to watch TV and put the hounds out. My guys do this to me all the time, with two differences: We don't have a fenced yard, so ours is a matter of me taking them out, and I usually watch mysteries.
 
The hounds carefully await the most critical point of the plot. It's just getting exciting. I'm about to learn about a critical clue, or the murderer (or whatever) is about to be unveiled. One of the hounds starts pacing, or ringing the bell that hangs on the back of our front door for the purpose of letting us know someone needs outness.
 
"OK," I say. "But you have to be quick." I'm hoping we're two seconds from a commercial, but we usually aren't.
 
The dogs dawdle out, sniff the ground, gaze about the neighborhood.
 
"Come on, hurry up. I told you this was going to be quick."
 
They mosey about the property. Finally one, usually Jane, deigns to take a little (oh, so little) pee.
 
By now I've missed the critical point of the plot.
 
Bel is refusing to come in. He likes the night air. He hasn't done anything, but it's nice to be out in the cool of the night. And he doesn't feel like going up the ramp.
 
I lose my patience. At least I could get a guess at that critical part of the plot, if I could catch the next few minutes. I hustle them in.
 
It's very hard to hustle a basset. And I generally feel pretty guilty about it too. So I don't hustle as hard as I otherwise might. I get in a few minutes later.
 
By then the plot has significantly changed. I have to figure it out from the rest of the story, if there is any rest of the story left. Maybe this is why I'm always so fuzzy on the plots of the mysteries I watch.
 
The mystery here is how I can figure out what went on, not who dunnit. And it's all because a basset had to sniff the night air.
 
As punishment for the short time outside, I often end up with an accident to clean up. It's not their fault, they tell me. After all, didn't I rush them? How could they be expected to do poops and peeps in five minutes? There were all those nice smells to investigate.
Pam, food slave to the Dashing Bassets