[Dailydrool] When Anger Triumphs

[Beverly Szaton]

I have had  a bad day. Not really. SOrt of. There is all this stuff with the
house. And with DH, who left at 9 and has not been back. We have a pact: as
long as the dogs are at this rental house, we will not leave them
unattended.
1. They bark and howl
2. We don't know the neighbors
3. It is NOT a good neighborhood.
That said, I had expected DH to return by at least lunchtime. It never
occured to me that he was going to be gone until after the final inspection
at 4 pm, to which I was pointedly NOT EXPECTED even tho it is MY house too.
And then I took a pill for my back. A bad decision.
When the dogs went off for the thousandth time because a small child walked
down the other side of the street, I found myself absolutely apoplectic with
rage. There was no reasoning behind it. If the neighbors did not hear me
bellowing and SCREAMING threats then they are certainly deaf. The only ones
who didn't hear me were the dogs. All of them. Cooper leading the charge.
I honestly believe 90% of my ill temper was due to the meds for my back. I
used to be able to take them and be normal, but apparently, I cannot
anymore. It was like a migraine rage. Completely irrational. Out of control.
Even as I knew that my frayed temper and nerves were not accomplishing
anything, I continued to shriek and bellow and scream, and pound on the desk
like Kruschev, only without a shoe.
Suddenly I knew I had to leave.
I put the boys in their crates. I put Cooper on a long down in his corner. I
left. I bought two bottles of pop and two huge bottles of wine. I bought a
chocolate glazed donut. I got out of the house.
When I came back, it was silent.
Cooper greeted me, on his belly, at the door.
My heart broke. He is my bestest friend and here I had been screaming at him
for hours.
Here is what I learned.
When the experts refer to a dog as a "forgiving" dog, I now understand what
they mean. They mean it in a training sense, but I mean it literally. I did
not need to explain anything. I didn't need an excuse. I didn't even really
need to apologize, altho I will for days. It was enough for the dogs that I
came back and was happy to see them. They were happy to see me, no matter
what I had threatened 20 minutes earlier.
I know now.
My world may be in a shambles, either of my own making or circumstances
thrust upon me. As long as I have a dog, I will be fine. What a gift they
are.

MomPerson to Nigel, Llewis, Conley and Cooper
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