[Dailydrool] Ahoy! Bugsy & Houndservant Jennifer; BREAD WARS: Adm. JED the Bread ho... er, HOUND

[lea pierce]

Adm. sends Naval Drool to Bugsy and whiffle-wuffle soft nose bumps to
Jennifer in advance of surgery. Acknowledges Jennifer's worry;
Houndservants are called to courage and hope.

Houndservant commiserates with fellow drooler's Bread Box incident.

A few weeks ago, Houndservant went on procurement mission to Trader Joe's,
came back with provisions, including 2# loaf of meltingly soft bread (the
Adm's Favorite Forbidden Treat, FFT).

Needing to visit the head rather desperately, Careless and Clueless
Houndservant tossed bag on kitchen chair.

Tactical mistake, that.

Whilst occupied, heard a "thud". Expecting foul play, rather hastily
returned to HMS Certifiable galley. Bag on floor, but nothing seemed amiss.
Because Houndservant is Clueless.

Went about Houndservant duties, stowing provisions this and there.

Hmmmm. No bread.

"I know I bought bread," Houndservant heard to mutter.

Hmmmm. Poke, poke, search, search, scratch head.Stand in galley looking
clueless.

No bread.

Suspiciiously quiet, Houndservant realized.

Walked into bedroom.

Ahroooo! A very *focused *Adm. hunkered down in a crouch on Houndservant's
bed (which Adm. has requisitioned as own, of course), big paws wrapped
around loaf of bread, jaws clamped on one end.

Houndservant tried to persuade Adm. to GIVE IT UP.

Ha!Ha!HA! Adm. would have none of THAT!

"Finders, Keepers," he wuffled, as well as he could, with jaws clamped
tight. Snirky smile apparent.

Houndservant swore Adm. thinking out loud: "HaHa! I remind you, mere
mortal, my battle-name is SNATCH!"

Houndservant annoyed about bread (although, unguarded bag--very bad form.
Houndservant knows better). But houndservant mainly worried about plastic
bag (which, of course, Adm. happy to consume along with his Favorite
Forbidden Treat!)

Houndservant decides to attempt to minimize coating the innards of hound
with plastic.

Houndservant pulls.

Adm. pulls back.

(By now, Houndservant is the one howling, "JED, JED, give me the G-D bread!
JED! G-D it, JED! You pygmy S.O.B! -- Yes, indeed, Houndservant known to
lose it from time to time...)

Adm. doubles down.

Houndservant pulls again, no hope of retrieving whole loaf.

Adm. pulls back, eyes popping wider and wider, big as saucers.

Long, long loaf of bread streeeeaches looooooonger.... plastic bag longer
and longer and longer and longer...

...Hound and Houndservant battle it out!

POP! Bag bursts, slices flying. Adm. has his chunk, Houndservant has the
rest.

O! What a scene!

Adm. les go of his end to pounce on slices scattered on bed. Settles in to
gobble tasty morsels he won, fair and square. Quite pleased with his
triumph.

Houndservant quickly snatches Adm's end of the plastic bag, dumping
slobber-soaked end on the bed. He won it, fair and square. (And it's
slobbered anyway...)

Sigh.Pant, Pant Houndservant panting, not Adm. who is luxuriating in soft,
marshamalloy-fresh BREAD.  ("Time to change the sheets anyway, "
Houndservant thinks, philosophically, with the resignation of one who knows
who owns who.)

No plastic ingested that day, thank Basset. Ships exchequer spared any
emergency Ship's Surgeon visits.

Houndservant can truly say: half a loaf (well, I think I got 60%) is better
than none.

That's why we call it the HMS Certifiable.

Semper Fido and Ahroooooo! for Favorite Forbidden Treats!

Leftenant Lea Pierce
Houndservant to the wiley Adm. JED "Snatch" Basset
Sonoma Admiralty/Pacific Basset Feet
By Order of Golden Gate Basset Rescue
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