[Dailydrool] A New Beginning

[Jessica Rutan via Dailydrool]

I am sitting here and wondering how to make sense of all the words  
whirling around in my head. Not sure that anyone really cares, but the  
31st is an end and beginning.
The picture shown on the calendar (Dec. 31) is one of Sassafras and  
Harley. It is such a typical photo I would take of these two. Of my  
seven bassets, these two were the most fun to photography and stage.  
Now my Sassy is the center of my household (kind-of and another story  
I will tell soon), and the loss of Harley is the center of the hole in  
my heart. I have been struggling for almost a year without my Wiggle.  
The unexpected and terrible circumstances to why he died have left me  
in tears more than once over the many months of my slowly trying to  
let go. My family and I have been looking for another basset to come  
into our family, but it seemed to end in disappointment and hurt over  
and over again. I was willing to fly to any place in the country and  
pick up a dog. I would have paid in some cases three times what  
someone was asking, but I was turned down five times. I went to three  
breeders and that did not work out. I went to pet stores out of  
desperation but couldn't bring myself to pay for the dog. I just gave  
up. I was looking at other breeds, but just could not find another one  
that I liked.
I am afraid to turn the page on my calendar, but even as I sit here in  
tears, I know that I will, and I hope that everyone can find and see  
the joy of the these two bassets that completed me like no other dogs  
in my life have done. I guess the lesson is has something to do with  
letting go. Sometimes that is hard when you feel so guilty and  
tormented by what happened. I know that nothing was my fault, but just  
like a parent always wanting to protect their children, I couldn't  
from another country. Another country where I was burying mom and dad.
So, I sit here fearing tomorrow, but also longing to see that  
wonderful wrinkly face of a hound that had my heart and filled my  
heart and life in joy. How long should someone grieve? It is hard to  
say, but my heart has been crying for a very long time. A side note is  
the introduction of a small boy named Aristotle. Those of you who  
received our Christmas card this year have the sneak peek of a small  
boy who came into my life on Dec. 6 at about 5:30 at night.
I hope that you will enjoy the last day of the calendar knowing that  
the boy pictured there was loved and loved back this family. The  
memories we have of him run very deep and we talk about him almost  
daily. His impact to our family runs deep. My middle son is now  
attending Vet School because of how much he loved the animals (the  
zoo) in this house. Harley will always hold a pinnacle place in this  
house, but as in all things in life, something new comes along. I am  
raising a new boy and I hold on to memories, but mostly pray that  
Aristotle will allow me to let go of the grief and find the joy and  
love that I miss so so much.
New beginnings. I hope that each of you on the list will find the new  
beginning that you need and that 2017 will bring you amazing new  
adventures.

If you find it possible, would you consider mailing me the page (Dec  
31) from the calendar? I would really like to have those pictures to  
make myself a special tray. Thank you in advance for the picture if  
you don't want to keep it.

Jessica Rutan
jrutan at aubreydog.com
1519 E Chapman Ave #333
Fullerton CA 92831


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