[Dailydrool] Report from Mariah of Hawaii

[Valerie via Dailydrool]

Aloha all, It is I, Mariah the Maraudah, from Hawaii, checking in.

First of all, the mischief report. The momperson here keeps the house relatively neat and clean, though not to any truly good housekeeper's standard. The dadperson, however, is a clutterer who leaves a trail of detritus in his wake. In all the common rooms, the momperson picks up and tidies. But not in the man cave, which is off limits to all us girls. Consequently, the man cave is up to human ankles in debris, much like a dream teenager's lair. Dad keeps the door to the man cave closed, or else a baby gate across it. The occasional professional cleaners are not even allowed in there. It is a basset paradise. At any given time, there are up to a half dozen paper bags with leftovers from lunches lying around on the floor. Just imagine. Every now and again, Dad slips up and leaves the door not entirely closed and latched--ripe for being pushed open by a basset nose. Then Eureka. My sister, Mila, is not as stealthy (smart?) as I. If she gets into the Man Cave, she stays there, exploring, and gets caught. Not I. I make trips in and out, carefully removing items and taking them through the dog door, down the ramp, into the yard by the side of the house which is not visible from any window in the house, and then return for more. When I have carefully removed all edible treasures, I then retire to enjoy them in privacy, and I almost never get caught unless observed in the process. So this week I scored about a half dozen protein bars, mom thinks from the wrappers she found later when out in the yard. I must have shared with Mila, since she got a tummyache and needed Gas-X. Not me. i am an Irondog.  And very clever.

Secondly, I believe Mom maligned my character. I haven't a viscious inkling. However, as Auntie Pam suggested, I am secretly a scaredy dog. I am afraid of being hurt and do not like the vet's clippy things and buzzy instruments. And I especially am afraid of tall dogs. I love short dogs and small dogs. And I will civilly touch the nose of tall dogs without going ballistic. But as soon as a tall dog starts to move towards my hindquarters to sniff, I go on the offensive. I don't give dogs on leashes across the street a hard time. I just don't want any tall dogs near my lady parts. My history is inknown except that by age 2 I'd had at least one litter. I might be a rape victim.

Now Auntie Jane also has a point. I never give the Dad any lip. I might give lip to Mom (i've only done it once and got smacked). Now mom is doing the trading game and we are both happier. tHat being said, I do love mom, follow her around and cuddle with her at night. But she is clearly more of a softie than Dad.

Finally, the purloined panty quilt--news. But it is dinner now, so I'll write again in awhile. mAriah. Vlbzwick at yahoo.co,