[Dailydrool] Timeline

[Beverly Szaton]

This is very hard to write because I simply have put it away until now,but
I think now is the time to say it.
I never liked "better a day early than a day too late" because in my line
of work I saw dogs and cats rally at the last moment and live well another
few weeks or months, and it terrified me that I might do that to my beloved
dogs. But I stuck by my guns and put them down when I felt it was time,
when they had that LOOK in their eyes-- please Mom, do it now. And I always
felt ok about my decisions. My line of thinking was that when it was over I
needed to be able to honestly say to myself "We did everything we could
with the information we had at the time."
And it worked.
Until it didn't.
And then there was Conley.
Conley with his abhorrence of vowels and his intense dislike of Doc at the
end, and his enlarged heart that thumped away faithfully until one day it
became so enlarged that it pressed on his windpipe and cut down his air
supply and then, things went very fast to hell in a handbasket.
Struggling for breath but hiding it, I took Conley to the Vet who offered
to put him down then and there but no, he was still wagging, still eating,
still walking. Ity couldn't be that bad.
I took him home knowing I would have to decide very soon.
He had one more trip to the Vet and then I arranged to have our Vet come to
the house the next morning. That night was the worst night of my life and
certainly of Conleys. I really let him down. I let him live one more day--
the day too late. All night he tried to breathe. He went in and out and
collapsed outside, he staggered and fell and his eyes glazed and still I
thought we could wait until morning. I will not go into detail but it was a
nightmare. Poor Conley who did not deserve that last week, much less the
last night.
And in the morning, moments (literally five minutes) before the Vet was
due, Conley staggered to the back door, laid down and died.
I waited way too long and I am still not sure why.
If you think it is time it probably is.
Listen to them when they say "Better a day too early than a day too late."
I can never, ever forgive myself.

MomPerson to many ATB and MertaLou andDoc.
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