[Dailydrool] rescue barbie - a must read - transporters can surely relate

[Helena Poist]

K-9 Rescue Barbie*

This Christmas season, give the latest, hottest new Barbie -- K-9 Rescue
Barbie. She comes with her own Ford Aerostar van, and various size dog
crates inside. She has a cell phone that's barely working due to over
use
and underpayment.

Barbie herself is decked out in jeans, grungy athletic shoes, and a
t-shirt
that says "Dogs are Better Than Any Other Living Thing on Earth". She
comes
with a road atlas of every town and state in all of North America, and a
compass on the dashboard of the van. She also has a map of every
McDonald's
in the world.

Optional is the special Rescue Dog Barbie laptop computer with the names
and
addresses of every other dog rescue person on earth, in case she gets
somewhere and a contact fails to show up.

Running buddy, "Lucky", the three-legged, blind Shih Tzu doll is
available
for an additional $ 49.95.

For $89.95, you can complete the set with "Pissed off husband at home,
Ken,"
and the various foster dogs at $ 20 each.

Prices for accessories are:

Fake snow falling on Barbie's van: $12.95
Flat tire for Barbie's van: (see Barbie's Road Service")
Barbie's First Aid Kit: (human): $11.75, (canine): $69.50
Barbie's Speeding Ticket: $95 (Mississippi- -$195)
Barbie's coat-that-she- had-to-buy- in-Minnesota: $85
Barbie's Vet Bill for Lucky in Vaughn, New Mexico: $63.45
Barbie's contact, Rhonda, who she had to give gas money to in Mesa
Verde,
Texas: $20.
Barbie's bill to get her contact, Luis, out of jail in Bakersfield,
California: $500.
Barbie's bill to get Luis's dogs out of the pound in Bakersfield,
California: $265.
Barbie's hotel/kennel bill in Laughlin, Nevada, while she waits for her
contact:$532.
Barbie's overalls that she has to buy while in Minden, Nebraska, hunting
down lost coonhounds: $49.95
Pizza for Barbie's suspicious looking hitch-hiker with sick puppy: $15
Vet bill for hitch-hikers sick puppy in Des Moines, Iowa: $143.29
Barbie's doggie wheelchair for "Klause" the rescue dachshund in
Leavenworth,
Kansas: $143.
And Barbie's van detailing/fumigatio n from hauling parvo/kennel cough
puppies: $187.
Barbie's resume to get new job when she gets home from run: $29.95

And let us not forget her sister doll - Cat Rescue Barbie, who comes
with
the same equipment, (substitute "cat" for "dog"), also:

Folding ladder in vehicle: $129.95
Have-a-heart trap: $29.95
Cans of tuna for baiting trap: $11.95
Long handled fishing net: $39.95
Case of Simple Solution: $259.95
Black light (to detect cat urine): $29.95
Tee shirt that says "The More I Know About Men, The More I Love My Cat"
$19.95
Running buddy "Jeep" - 3-legged tailless cat named after vehicle that
claimed her missing appendages: $89.95
Vet bill for Jeep $397.95
Friend Edith, 87-year-old feral colony feeder, who calls begging favors
when
her arthritis acts up and she can't get out. $59.95
Food for Edith's colony cats (after all, Edith is on Social Security)
$139.95
Friend Margie, do-gooder with pristine home and one spoiled cat, whose
idea
of being a rescuer is to pick up strays and take them to Barbie for
rehab,
vetting, fostering, and placement. $89.95
Vet bills for Margie's rescues $892.95
Mother Sadie, who calls weekly to ask Barbie when she is going to get
rid of
all those smelly cats and give her some grandchildren already $ 89.95
(telephone extra)
Shrink who talks Barbie out of killing above-mentioned persons each week
$500
Vet who makes house calls and doesn't blink at unannounced visits and
odd-hour consultations: *priceless*

 

 

 

 

Helena Poist

Proplanner

2321 North Loop Drive

Ames, IA 50010

helena at proplanner.com

515-296-7526

fax: 515-296-3229

http://www.proplanner.com

 

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