[Dailydrool] Update on Emma (whose Mom is traveling)

[Hinchliffe at aol.com]

Oh, I cannot tell my dear Daily Drool friends how much your e-mails of love 
 and support and insight have meant, as I've battled to keep my head above 
the  waters of the anguishing choices I have to make.  
 
I honestly could not think straight or see straight yesterday, and was so  
panicked and terrified, and sinking right back into everything I went 
through  with my Blueberry ... I adore this sweet little Emma so much, too, she 
and  Blueberry were so close and she's spent almost every day at my house and 
in my  arms ... 
 
I don't have the words to thank you for your thoughts -- and mostly just  
for being there, when I felt so utterly alone.  You soothed and comforted  
me, and your messages still do.  I can't write the right words now because  I 
haven't really slept in three nights, but I will later.
 
The vet called me early this morning to say she'd been thinking about Emma  
and the whole situation and had an idea, so I took her in and she drained 
the  fluid that had filled her abdomen and was pressing onto her lungs.  That 
 was like a miracle.  Yesterday was awful, but she is so much more  
comfortable.  The vet said that she isn't suffering now.  She sleeps  just about 
all the time.  This is just a temporary fix, but if she can  continue like 
this, we'll make it so that she can go to the bridge cradled in  her Mom's 
arms.  We only have to make it through two more days.
 
I want to reassure everyone that if either the vet or I thought Emma was  
having any pain, we would act differently.  But she is comfortable,  sleeping 
sweetly right now, snuggled up at my side, her soft breath against my  arm, 
and I wish we could just stay like this forever, freeze time and keep her  
precious little life going.
 
I still watch her all the time, of course, in anxiety and fear and grief,  
making sure she's breathing, listening for any strained breath or signs of  
distress.  And I hold her and tell her her Mom is coming, and just talk to  
her, and tell her stories about when she was a baby and I first met her ... 
 
And I'm exhausted by crying and worrying, still constantly  second-guessing 
what I should do, until my mind spins.  But I pray that  this is right for 
everyone, because it's all based in love.  I love Emma,  so I want to do 
what's best for her -- letting her end her life in the arms of  the Mom she 
loves.
 
I don't know how I would have gotten through the terror of last night  
without all of you -- and I don't know if I'd have had the strength to go with  
this decision without your wise insight and caring words.
 
Droolers are the best, and I love you all.  Please keep our dear Emma  in 
your thoughts and prayers, that she stays comfortable until her Mom comes  
home to her.
 
Love,
Beth H.


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