[Dailydrool] Cutting Nails

[Beverly Szaton]

Ok so I have been sick and I am on meds and so I am kind of loopy or I
never would have done this, but Conley jumped up on me and I got a GOOD
look at those front nails and thought, I can do this if I do it fast and
when he isn't expecting it. (I have had to muzzle him the past two times.)
So I grabbed the clippers and a paw and hacked off his nails so fast he
barely blinked, and then he got a treat. I only did one paw. One out of
four ain't bad.
But Nigel is watching and decides he needs his done, too, and he isn't such
a dork about it, and he heard the word "treat" and got all excited and the
nails are really long and really thick really thick note that. And I
thought ok I can do this and I did one and did the second and did the third
and did the fourth and whoooooooooopsssssieeeee-----------show trim on one
rear nail. Ah ah ah lessee what do I have close enought to grab and staunch
the blood that is now spurting from his nail which he regards with some
interest.
(It is a rear nail== I do not think he can feel pain in that foot.) Blood
is now seeping into the comforter well ok that's KIND of what it's for--
urine really, not blood, but.... And I know he won't bleed to death while I
look for something.

That the tack box is at my feet and contains the quik stop never occurs to
me of course.

So flour! Flour will work. I fly to kitchen and paw through the cupboard
leaving, no kidding, bloody fingerprints as I go and I do note that there
is a big streak of blood from my left wrist to my left elbow....


The flour is unopened. Oh poop. I don't wanna get blood all over the flour.
'STYPTIC PENCIL!! John shaves! I fly into the bathroom and find it, drop
it, it shatters- It was brand new. Now it is in three pieces and has gooey
gops of blood all over it. I rush into the bedroom where Nigel looks as if
someone had attacked his foot with a meat cleaver. Laughing uncontrollably
(I did this! I am supposed to know how to do this!!!) I jam the styptic
pencil into the nail and wait for it to work hah hah hah. Meanwhile thick
drips of blood continue to fall decoratively upon the comforter, my hand,
my arm...Nigel is now kicking so a few drops land on some of my jewelry
cabinets. The styptic pencil does NOT seem to be helping. In fact, my
holding the foot is now annoying Nigel. It is similar to a dog with a
nosebleed, who sneezes.

Another blob hits the side of my.............jewelry case the drawer that
reads ADHESIVES AND GLUES.

glue!!! Super Glue! With one hand I hold a piece of gauze on the foot and
with my sticky, bloody right hand I paw through the drawer and find the
brand new tube of Superglue which I open, one-handed, and apply to the
nail. i wait. Nothing. Then onnnnnneeee tiny flower of blood appears and I
ZAP IT with super glue. relentlessly. It stops bleeding. I wait. Nothing.
Nothing. we are ok. I replace the glue and go wash up. My kitchen sink
looks like the scrub room in an OR.  I go back to check on Nigel who is
asleep.

His nail is glued to the comforter.

I cut a  little piece of fabric loose. What the hell. Who cares?

Next time, Doc can do it.

MomPerson to Nigel, Llewis and Conley (who is now hiding.)
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