[Dailydrool] Missing Pieces/Shark Bait/Road Kill

[Dale Rutz]

Oh, this clueless momPerson is going to be an end of me yet.

First off she took me in for a DENTAL on Friday.  Now I don't know about you but 
when I go in for a DENTAL I expect the vet to restrict herself to my MOUTH.  
Under extreme cases there might be something missing from my MOUTH when I wake 
up (there wasn't) but NOT from anywhere else.  Well.  Apparently the vet is as 
clueless as my momPerson because I work up with a hunk missing from my ARMPIT.  
Hello!!  Excuse me!!!  How and why is my armpit related to any DENTAL 
procedure???  OUCH.  These clueless people ...... and wait .... just wait .... 
it only gets worse.

It seems that my momPerson has identified an entire HERD of clueless hooomans to 
play with on weekends.  I kid you not!!!  I know I told everyone about her 
swimming out in the open ocean last weekend.  Well, since then there have been 
confirmed reports of Great White Sharks RIGHT IN CLOSE just 100 yards off shore 
ALL UP AND DOWN the coast here, specifically in Santa Cruz.  It seems the water 
is warmer than usual which brings the big tuna in and the sharks come in feeding 
on the tuna and so .... the clueless humans decided it would be great run to 
hold a Triathlon in Santa Cruz.  So, this is what they did:

1)  They signed up about 1,000 clueless hoomans
2)  They sorted them by age and gender and put them all in the ocean in groups 
(14-25 year old male morons, 25-30 year old female idiots, 40-49 year old 
clueless females (guess who went in this group, just guess!!)
    a)  Each group swam 750 METERS out to sea (remember the sharks have been 
sighted just a 100 yards off) and then 750 Meters back on the other side of the 
warf
    b)  To make things interesting the end of the warf is inhabited by lots and 
lots of seals which of course attract the sharks
3)  They rounded up all the survivors of the swim and sent them off riding their 
bicycles on HIGHWAY 1 all the way to Davenport.  And back.
    a)  HIGHWAY 1 is a costal highway in which the road goes either straight up 
or straight down, it has no flat spots.  

    b)  The grade is EXTREME, either you are flying downhill at 30 MPH or you 
are pumping up (straight up) for all you're worth 

    c)  The bike path is at most 4 inches wide
    d)  At one point they had all 1,000 participants out there on that road
    c)  They decided NOT to close the road because all that traffic just adds to 
the excitement, what with bikes passing each other and falling over on the hills 
and so on
4)  They rounded up all the survivors of the swim AND the bike and sent them off 
for a nice 10K run straight up a hill.

Somehow, the clueless momPerson survived.

I'm speechless.  I have FIRED the clueless momPerson as her own social 
secretary.  I have changed her paypal and active.com passwords and will be 
screening all of her events going forward.  Oh, and I'm looking for a vet who 
can tell the difference between a mouth and an ARMPIT.

More later from Snoopy who has simply had ENOUGH .... with LuLu (don't mess with 
him when he's like this) and Gracie (I messed with him, she's right, it's not a 
good idea)
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