[Dailydrool] My Rosie is gone

[Carol Gazzara]

To my Fellow Droolers,

Although I haven't written in a while, I do keep on eye on you all.

Rosie left us last night.  I didn't tell you but Rosie developed a "growth" under her rib cage on her left side between her ribs, liver and stomach.  My Vet said he was 99% sure it was not cancer and it truly didn't seem to bother her.  I would message it every morning as I wanted to know that it didn't bother her. My Vet said although he would not operate, he would send us to a Surgeon who could but he warned us that the surgery would be a tough one with a painful recovery period.  

Rosie was 10 1/2 years old and I asked him what he would do if it was his dog and he said "I'd leave it alone until it did bother her, then I'd let her go".  He told me that I was bothering me more than it was her.

Well, last night Rosie ate dinner and asked to go out to the yard.  I saw her eat some grass and said "what r you doing", then she began to walk/pace the yard at a speed she rarely walks and she was retching and bringing up white foam.  I ran out to check her with my first though being Bloat - something I always read about on the Drool but Rosie never had.  I felt her stomach and it wasn't hard or distended but she moaned a bit.  I knew something wasn't right.  We took her to an Emergency Vet (our old Vet actually) and they took x-rays and said it was Gastric Torsion (Bloat) and they believed the mass contributed to it and although surgery was an option they fear the mass would complicate things.  She was in pain and I promised myself I would never let her suffer so we decided to not put her thru any surgery that had an iffy outcome.  This Vet felt the mass WAS cancer and aggressive.  

Of course we stayed with her till then end and I held her and told her I loved her and I was so very sorry and I cried like I never cried before.  We had to leave her there and that bothers me so much as I wanted to take her home to bury her but we decided as a family to have her cremated privately.  It is killing me to know she is alone in a strange place right now.

They say it will be about 14 days till I can pick up her ashes and I can't understand why it is such a long time.  I also want to get her a beautiful urn and thought my Droolers would help me to find one.

It hurts so much and I can't stop crying.  I will NEVER do this again, I can't go thru this again. I now truly understand the hurt so many of you have written of.

Carol - Mom to the sweetest dog in my world...