[Dailydrool] The World According to Norm - Forbidden Territory

[Sandi Wittenberg]

It's Me Again - Norm!

I am discovering that people are very weird.  We have this BIG fenced yard
and a little fenced yard.  During the winter when the snow was WAAAYYY too
deep to go into the BIG yard (at least without freezing the gonads), all of
us guys used the small yard to take a quick pee-pee. Sometimes, we even made
designs in the snow, but that is a different story.  Anyhow, when the snow
all melted, dad discovered that the most of the grass melted too!  The grass
completely disappears around our e-o-ne-mus (I think that is what mom calls
them) bushes and along the  edges.  Imagine that!  

 

The Lawn Ranger (Dad) was not happy, so he went into action.  First, he
raked up all the dead grass.  Johnny and I tried to help him by taking the
grass and running around the yard with it.  You know, getting chased by a
crazy man with a rake is pretty scary!  Dad sprinkled some white stuff on
the dirt and raked it in.  Then he got some fresh new dirt ... mmmmm, sure
smelled good!  When dad went in to get a drink of water, Hoagie and I rolled
in the black dirt.  Hoagie used to be red and white, but now he is a
tri-colored basset.  Dad came yelling out of the house and Mom had fire in
her eyes!  She told Dad, get that %$$#% fence up NOW!  So, Dad got out this
funny green plastic-y stuff and pounded a bunch of sticks in the ground with
a giant hammer.  He threatened to tie me to the fence post with one of those
cable ties, but I was too fast!  Finally, he finished putting up the green
fence and it looked like our little yard was in jail.  Dad said "Boys, this
is off-limits!  Norm!  That means you too!  FORBIDDEN TERRITORY!"

 

Wellllll, that got me to thinkin'!  Who is HE to decide it is FORBIDDEN
TERRITORY?  It is OUR yard!  So very quietly, in stealth basset mode, I
started checking it out.  Dad is a good builder, but he slipped up this
time!  He made the mistake of not putting the stakes very close together.  I
pushed a little on the bottom of the fence with my nose and it moved.  I
tried it again and it moved some more.  Every day I did this and pretty
soon, I could squeeeezzzzzeee under the green plastic fence and go into
FORBIDDEN TERRITORY!  YEAH!  I sniffed and sniffed and sniffed!  The grass
is greener on the other side of the fence - and it tastes better too!  But
then I got caught - and I couldn't get out!  Mom rescued me the first time.
Dad put more sticks in the ground - but he isn't smarter than me!  I found
some more spots I could squeeze under, and back I went into FORBIDDEN
TERRITORY!  Dad caught me the next time.  He chased me round and round and
round the little yard - but I am VERY fast!  When Mom came to the door to
see what all the yellin' was about, I saw my chance and ran into the house
and into my crate.  WHEW - I was safe!

 

Then today, I ventured into FORBIDDEN TERRITORY again!  Mom heard Hoagie and
Johnny barking and barking and barking and barking and - well, you get the
idea.  She looked outside and there I was, sitting in the middle of the
FORBIDDEN TERRITORY!  She just started laughing and told Dad to look out the
window.  He didn't laugh - he went and got more sticks and the giant hammer.
I heard him say something about "hammering that puppy into the ground"  -
yeah, if he could catch me!  But mom intervened and called Hoagie and Johnny
(the big snitches) and me into the house.  I wonder if I should climb the
fence, eat the fence or tunnel in to the FORBIDDEN TERRITORY next time.

 

 

 

 

 

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