[Dailydrool] Urgently need advice

[Hinchliffe at aol.com]

I'd really, really appreciate it if anyone could give me some perspective  
on what to do -- I'm so exhausted and stressed and confused and worried that 
I  know I'm just not thinking clearly.
 
One of my closest friends has a dog I adore, who has spent much of her life 
 at my house (I work at home, so she comes here most days while my friend 
is  gone).  Karen (my friend) is away on vacation this week, so Emma (the 
dog)  is staying with me.  I'd really been looking forward to this, because 
Emma  helped me through losing my Blueberry last year, and I yearned to have a 
little  furry one to snuggle up to.
 
Karen left Saturday.  She left instructions that she didn't want her  vac
ation interrupted by calls with any bad news about Emma.  She told me  that if 
Emma got sick (she wasn't sick and there wasn't any reason to anticipate  
that she would be -- this was just covering the bases, along with what to  do 
if her house caught on fire), to use my own best judgment about  what to 
do, tests to have, etc.  She even said that if Emma died, not to  tell her 
(Karen), just ask the vet to put her in the freezer till she got  home.
 
Well, on Sunday Emma suddenly collapsed on the floor.  I raced to pick  her 
up, and she was so limp that I thought she was dead.  Then her bladder  
emptied all over me.  It's been getting worse every day, now she's not  eating 
or drinking, her stomach is twice the size with fluid, I won't go into  all 
the symptoms, but it's clear that her systems are all shutting down.
 
The vet, who is wonderful (she's known Emma since the day she was born, and 
 took care of my Blueberry her whole life), has spent a lot of time with 
Emma and  with me this week.  Today, after the third visit, she said that if 
it were  her dog, she would put her to sleep.  The x-rays show that she's 
full of  something, and the vet thinks it's cancer (she can't be sure without 
an  ultrasound, but an ultrasound would only confirm tumors, and with Emma's 
other  health problems she's not a candidate for surgery, so it doesn't 
really make  sense to have one).  She said she doesn't think she's suffering 
pain, but  is just feeling really sick.
 
I need help from dog people to know what to do.  Do I keep her going,  
either hoping that somehow she might rally but mostly just wanting Karen to be  
here to say goodbye and hold her?  Do I call Karen -- even though she'd  
said not to (of course, this particular idea didn't come up specifically) and  
ask her what to do?  I don't want to ruin her vacation (Emma is like her  
daughter, and she absolutely dotes on her) by knowing the bad news (she works  
really, really, really hard and has had lots of difficulties in her life 
this  past year and really needs this one week away, she's been saving for it 
all  year -- and she's almost the entire way across the country, with  
non-changeable airline tickets, so she can't just fly home).
 
If Emma were in pain, I would call her.  But should I keep her going,  
feeling sick but not suffering, until Karen comes home (Saturday  midnight)?  
Should I call Karen and tell her all the details and ask?   My mind aches with 
spinning, I've been up all night holding her head  up to help her breathe.  
(The vet did a procedure today to remove some of  the fluid, so she's 
breathing better right now, and she won't need me to hold  her up tonight.)
 
I'm sorry for rambling, I'm just so tired and scared and grieving and  
overwhelmed by the responsibility that I can't see straight.  And I feel  like 
I'm right back in the anguish of Blueberry's last days, too.
 
I just want to do what's right for everyone -- sweet, dear little Emma, who 
 with a few more days wait could go to the bridge in her mom's arms; and 
Karen,  who needs the chance to say goodbye, and who also needs the peace of 
this  vacation.
 
(I'm also worried that if I do call Karen and she says for me to make the  
decision, I will just crumble.  I'll always think that I made the wrong  
decision and robbed Emma and her Mom of the chance to say goodbye.  Or, if  
it's the other choice, that I made the wrong decision and made her continue  
being sick for a few more days.)
 
If you can make any sense out of this and could give me guidance on what  
you would do in this situation, I'd really appreciate it.  I'm just so  
deeply trapped inside the middle of it that I can't see the forest for the  
trees, and I'm finding it hard to even take a deep breath.
 
Thank you so much.  Please pray for Emma.
 
Fondly,
Beth H. (Duchess ATB and Blueberry ATB)
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